The Secret Ingredient That Made FRIENDS the Hit it Still Is

I had the genuine pleasure of getting to work on FRIENDS in a small way. I was Lisa Kudrow’s assistant which afforded me the true privilege of a front row seat to see the masters at work. And because I tend to be an analytical sort, with a genuine desire to understand (being a comedy writer myself), I ultimately drew some conclusions I thought I would share on why FRIENDS became the #1 rated comedy series in all the world.

And yes, before anyone argues, FRIENDS did become the #1 rated comedy series in the world (even above Frasier and Seinfeld which were the other hits at the time).

I know this because the producers celebrated this major accomplishment at one of our wrap parties by putting together an absolutely hilarious outtakes reel that included the FRIENDS speaking in every language they had ever been dubbed in. Which, of course, made the cast and crew laugh so hard there were tears.

But that’s what initially got me thinking. Why? Why FRIENDS and not some other show? Lots of shows were funny. Why was this particular one still so beloved? Why does it have my 23 year old daughter (and much of her generation) watching it on repeat, sometimes just to help her sleep? I’ve been noodling on the answer to that question for years and what I finally came back with was: LOVE.

FRIENDS was one of those rare shows that was/is positively dripping with it, and not in the corny way. You can feel it right through the screen because it was real. Palpable. And I believe that is why it became, not only a source of laughter, but of comfort, all over the world. To the point where I have seen countless quotes from folks who say FRIENDS “got them through one of the roughest times of their life.”

It wasn’t just the writing and the characters. The love was deep in the making of it. The creators created it with love. The crew worked on it with love. And the cast, well, they truly, madly, deeply loved each other and still do.

They may have been “acting” as the characters but, anyone who has had the privilege of knowing the 6 of them knows that, the feelings coming through those “characters” were entirely real.

As writers we don’t always have control over what happens once our scripts go into production. Or what, often imperfect, humans will embody those characters we create. But we do have control over the stories we choose to bring into this world. Which is why, selfishly, I’m hoping to inspire more of my fellow writers to choose love, by sharing some thoughts/reminders here, about how we can create more stories that are imbued with it.

Obviously every story needs conflict. Especially comedy. Conflict is what brings the stories to life. But must it so often borrow from drama and darkness in order to get there?

How many more disaster films or alien movies, where everyone is evil, do we have to sit through before we get another E.T.? How many back stabbing, power jockeying series do we have to sift through before we get another Ted Lasso?

I’m not saying movies and shows that find their central conflict via dark or nefarious characters/situations don’t have their place. Obviously they do. And many of them are fantastic (at least the well written ones) but there is no shortage of them.

What the example of FRIENDS reminds us is that conflict can be drawn from love too. From flawed but lovable characters just trying to live their best lives and to be good friends to each other. And that creating them, can create far lasting impact on our world.

I know that much like bad news, negative conflict is easier to make compelling and dramatic. And frankly, its an easier sell to get execs excited about.

But good conflict written well enough to grab eyeballs away from all the drama? Well that’s somewhere close to a revolutionary act these days. It’s joy staring headlong in the face of chaos and saying “yeah I’m ready to steal your focus. Watch me.”

And the rewards and ripple effects from bringing such characters/stories into the world can reap profits far beyond awards and money. So much so that 20 years later you could have for e.g. a Nobel Peace Prize winner (Malala Yousafzai) talking about how your show brought her together with her own best friend. That’s the power we writers have. And what a wonderful way to use it.

So where does it start for you? I guess that depends. What/who do you love? What would you do in the name of love? What are examples of the best relationships you’ve ever seen? The best people you know? The greatest organizations/work places doing great things? Make them your heroines and heroes and discover what their brand of conflicts are? How can we learn or laugh thanks to their special brand of “drama”?

***Holly Payberg-Torroija is a writer/creativity coach helping her fellow writers to heal their relationship with their creative selves while learning to genuinely love the process. To connect with Holly click HERE